When children throw tantrums, often the parent doesn’t know exactly how to react. If the tantrum is thrown in a public place, the parent may become even more frustrated with their child. Frustration doesn’t belong solely to the parent, however. Typically, when a child throws a tantrum it is because she cannot handle her own frustration.

What can you do to prevent or at least handle these tantrums? Of course, the simplest solution is to try and prevent the tantrums from beginning. Try not to set extreme limits on your child. Even young toddlers respond well to choices. Instead of saying, “Get ready for bed”, you could say, “Do you want to brush your teeth first, or would you rather put on your pajamas?” The end result will be the same, but you have given your child the opportunity to participate in decisions.

Pay attention to your child’s physical and emotional state. Is she extremely tired? Did she miss her naptime? Has she been sick? Are there changes occurring in your home, such as a move, divorce, or death in the family? All of these factors can lead to the onset of a tantrum.

Of course, you won’t always be able to stop a tantrum before it starts. So, how do you handle it? Some children respond well to touch. If your child is in the midst of a major fit, hold her close to your body. As her tantrum starts to recede, she may feel comforted to feel the warmth of your body against hers. Maybe all she needs is that extra cuddle from you, but she is too young to put that into words.

You could also kneel down and take her hands in yours. Try to make eye contact with her, and tell her quietly to calm down and breathe deeply with you. Speak softly, maybe even in a whisper, so that she has to be quiet to hear you.

Contact can have the opposite effect on some children, though. You may find that your child becomes even angrier if you try to hold her against you. She may fight you and become fully enraged. If this is the case, you will need to try a different approach. You don’t want to make her feel confined.

If you have an older child, you can tell her that you are leaving the room, and she can come to you when she has finished throwing her tantrum. This will only work, however, if you are sure she will not hurt herself in the process. When you take away her audience, many times you are taking away her reason for having a fit.

Try not to react loudly to your child’s tantrums. It is better to pull away from the situation emotionally. You can still remain with your child, but if you yell or talk loudly and angrily, you will only be magnifying the situation. Your child doesn’t need to feel that she has the power to make you lose control. Don’t let her harm herself or you, either. Once she realizes that she has this type of influence, she may be even more prone to throw fits.

Often, parents give into their child’s tantrums in public places because it is easier than handling them. Again, you are giving the child a harmful feeling of power that will be difficult to undo. If you and your child are in a public area when she has one of her tantrums, you could tell her that you will take her home, or tell her that you will take away a privilege or a toy unless she stops. You still want to remain as calm as possible, but you do want to speak to her in a no-nonsense manner.

Try to keep in mind that toddlers do not consciously plan to throw tantrums. They just haven’t matured enough to properly handle their emotions. It is up to you to show them how to handle themselves in stressful situations. You can do this partly by example. It is perfectly acceptable to teach your child that her tantrum could have consequences such as a loss of privilege or a timeout. You do need to be sure that the consequence is age appropriate for your child.

Even though tantrums are unpleasant, parents need to remember that children eventually outgrow the need to throw them. As your child matures, she will learn to handle her emotional outbursts in a different and calmer manner. Until then, try to remain calm as you handle each of your child’s tantrums.